S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
