It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's like heaven, but drunker
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
