I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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