i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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