The maid of honor just puked.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
COCAINE IS GR8
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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