i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
