she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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