i used baking grease as lip gloss
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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