this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
