I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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