dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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