I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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