I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
