last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
