she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
