She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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