That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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