was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
