the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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