Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
