She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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