My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
