We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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