spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
