I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sext me about skeletons
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
