I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
