Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
