The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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