I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
