She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
