"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
