In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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