matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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