Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
