2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
