Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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