she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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