Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
