I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
