I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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