So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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