Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
