i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
