i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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