if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
