barbara walters just said penis...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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