New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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