Got a toothbrush?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
