I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
