Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
