I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
