Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
